Victory!

Dear Lucy,

I write to you today from the mountain top of glory. I have been victorious over my most daunting and challenging foe - the bed.

All it took was a big, loud, nasty thunderstorm (I hate thunderstorms!) and mom finally let me snooze in her bed! Well - I'm slightly exaggerating; I don't have the freedom most pups get when sharing sleeping arrangements with their people. She still makes me sleep in my bed, except now it is on HER bed instead of the dirty stinky floor!

Enjoying my new perch with Mr. Squirrel!

It is so wonderful to wake up to your snoring human's big sleepy face and lick them into submission (although one time, I got my nose up her nose and that was not a pleasant experience!) She sure does roll a round a lot though - sometimes I go back to my crate and make sure to jingle my collar loudly and squeak my toys so she knows I'm upset.

All in all, though, it is a glorious feeling and I can't wait for the day where the bed becomes mine, wholly and completely, and she has to ask ME for permission to sleep! HAH!

Wagging tails to you and yours,
Peaches Marie Ann Louise

Long Time, No Bark

Dearest Darlingest Lucy,

I realize I have not written in FUR-ever, and for that, I sincerely apologize! Things have been very busy here since I last yipped - I will fill you in on all the details. 

When last I wrote, my owner was 'working' far far away at a company in a place called Westchester. She had to leave me very early in the morning, and got home way after dark most nights. I was not very happy with this situation, and tried my best every night to be my most adorable self, so that she would not want to leave me the next day. Then in April, I got wonderful news! She wasn't going to be working there much longer!

Me being my most adorable self in my hippo bed
so my owner won't leave me!

It turns out humans do not have people who love them and play with them and feed them for free - they have to make money for food (sort of like how we have to do tricks for our treats!) and if my owner didn't go to this awful place called "a job", she wouldn't have money for treats for ME or new outfits for me to model! This was very upsetting, and although I was happy she would be home with me, I did not want to starve!

Luckily, she has a new "job" at a new place that I like much better. She stays just down the hall every day and I can go in for belly rubs and snuggles! I even help her around the office sometimes. I'm not very good at carrying things but I boost her morale when I can tell she is dealing with a tough problem. 

Here I am hard at work, making sure everything
is in tip-top shape!

I'm not sure if I will continue to like this new job - she keeps saying eventually she will have to go to New York which is even farther than Westchester. I used to get annoyed at having to sit for dinner, but at least I don't have to leave my pack for hours every day! I suppose I am a bit spoiled.

I have also been in training classes. I thought I would be learning about simple etiquette (doesn't my pack realize ALL southern belles like me get etiquette training from a young age!?) but NO. I was tricked! They make me socialize with a MAN for an HOUR. At first, I was appalled and outraged. He is large and smelly and beard-y and has a deep deep voice that I do. not. like. However, he gives me lots and lots of treats, so I am learning to put up with him. He also tells me I am a very pretty girl - at least I know he is not RUDE too. 

I hope things with Benny are going smoothly and he is not pestering you too much. He could learn from your grace and classiness! Maybe if he is nice enough to you, we will let him in our little pen-pal club. Luckily, I have persuaded my pack into thinking I would be jealous and devastated by the presence of another dog - so my future is safe from "little brothers" for now!

Face licks and butt sniffs!
Peaches

Beach Party

My dearest Lucy,

This weekend was full of fun adventures! It all started Saturday morning - after I had a quick "business meeting", my humans left for the store. Usually I am very unhappy about being left in the house to fend for myself - what if a squirrel attacked? What if men with boxes came to the door? - but in this case, I was happy to see them go. They were headed to the store to buy me a gate, so that I may frolic on the patio without a leash. I could taste the sweet sweet freedom on my tiny little tongue!

After they returned, I was quite excited - it took far too long for them to build the gate, so I barked my encouragement. This was not well received, and I was banished to the confines of the house. I slipped out again, just in time to see them put the last piece in place. I was then left to sniff to my little heart's content in the warm breeze (alright - it was a bit cold, but I had just put on a very fashionable new sweater, and wanted to show it off to my bird friends.)

It was then I made a huge discovery - I found the Grey Squirrel Trio's secret entrance! It would seem there are large openings in the wooden fortifications surrounding our deck. I desperately tried to call my humans attention to this by sticking my head and shoulders through the openings, but this was met with great fear on their part. I was once again banished to the house. In protest, I lay forlornly at the door, looking my saddest and most pitiable.

My plan worked, and my humans took pity on me. It was decided that we would get a picnic lunch and head to THE BEACH! I could see myself prancersising in the sand, chasing seaguls, sniffing shells. I was filled with a sense of utter delight.

Of course the picnic lunch was only for my family and I sadly did not get anything - not one bite! While I do appreciate that I maintain a svelte figure, a little nibble of a Cheeto won't kill me. It is utterly rude to eat in front of someone else and not offer to share, don't you agree?

After the feeding frenzy, off to the beach we went! The humans never plan well, though, and forgot about wind. At home it had been gentle and playful - at the beach it was quite brisk! I looked fantastic, like a supermodel on the runway, but my dear humans nearly got blown over. I went for a quick romp in the sand, meeting other dogs out for a Saturday stroll. One brave Golden Retreiver was even splashing about in the waves! I was not about to get my paws wet, that is not my thing but I celebrated his bravery with several yaps of camaraderie
.

Utilizing all the lessons Tyra Barks taught me in America's Next Top Dog Model. Unfortunately my dearest human doesn't understand the concept of "vogue-ing" and did NOT use the wind to her advantage.

After a small exploration of a young tree sapling and putting up with several small humans man-handling my ears, back to the house we went. I proceeded to enjoy my new found freedom on the patio some more, before coming inside for chicken jerky and cuddles.

What have you been up to, my puppy-sister in the bond?

Much love and doggy kisses,
Peaches

A Holiday Limerick

There once was a dog who loved pie

And begged humans for some on the sly

Then on one Friday

They said "Happy Pi Day!"

But it turns out the pie was a lie

Original Source

Squirrel War Three

My dearest Lucy,

I sympathize with your plight against unsavory creatures. We too, have a troupe of unsightly deer. I am lucky that they do not invade our yard often, and usually only do so in transit to disturb other poor pups. I do make sure to mark the border of our property well, so they know to keep distant. The squirrels are a far more pressing nuisance here.

Every day my humans take pity on the poor bird-folk who have not migrated south, and spread seed on our porch so that they may find sustenance when their pantries wear thin. Being the charitable dog that I am, I inspect our seed offerings daily to ensure they are fresh and tasty, then stand guard to ensure only those in need are served.

Keeping watch over the Home for Hungry Fowl

Needless to say, those rapscallions the Grey Squirrel Trio, invade our Home for Hungry Fowl daily in an attempt to steal the seed for themselves. While I have not found a proper deterrent to their arrival, I find the quickest way to dispatch these filthy creatures is not to bark. Rather, I find the best results by jumping in distress and flinging oneself helplessly at the closed door until the humans allow me out to make my charge. Then I lunge for the evildoers, still silent and menacing - they are not used to a sneak attack and run in fear every time.

I also practice my techniques on a squirrel toy at night, usually when my humans are watching that caterwauling they call "The Voice." It helps me to vent my frustrations so I am able to stay calm and strategic when I encounter my true foe. Perhaps you should ask your humans for a plush deer to practice on. I find a hopeful look and waggy tail in the toy department of the pet store will usually do the trick.

On another subject, my human mom tells me you live with a male human. I must say I find the male human animal wholly unsavory. They do strange things with their facial fur and have hands that are far to large for my liking. We have two in our neighborhood who deliver strange boxes and envelopes, never with anything for me.  I always make my distaste for them known, but they disregard my distress entirely. Another once manhandled me into a prone position while my usually sweet veterinarian took a hatchet to my delicate toenails - entirely ungentlemanly behavior! I hope your human is more respectful and does not subject you to such indignities.

Many licks and bottom sniffs,
Peaches Keane, aka Peachykeen

Inside the Peaches's Studio

1. What is your favorite word?

"Tummy-time"...alright, that is two words. But like beauty sleep and a healthy diet, it is essential that my belly be rubbed (at least thrice daily.)

2. What is your least favorite word?

"Squirrel." He is a vicious, evil, greedy creature and he must be brought down. In fact, anything that is grey and moves generally quickly must be eliminated. Down with pigeons too!

3. What turns you on?

 Fluffy yellow duckies. They shriek so delightfully when I gnaw upon their faces.

4. What turns you off?

Strangers. It is not appropriate for a young lady of my breeding to fraternize with anyone but my own kin.

5. What sound do you love?

The sweet cacophony of kibble hitting my bowl.

6. What sound do you hate?

Truck noises. Trucks are lewd beings and should be disposed of entirely, as should any poor soul who chooses to drive one of those heinous vehicles. 

7. What is your favorite curse word?

BARKBARKBARKBARKBARK....BARK....BARKBARK

8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?

Private Olfactory Investigator. I am quite skilled at solving mysteries with my nose.

9. What profession would you not like to do?

Sales-pup. I do so dislike others, and I would hate to have to interact with them.

10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?

"Who wants a belly rub?!"