The Deer

Dear Peaches,

The Deer have infiltrated. They think they're so cool with their big black noses and  hooves and being "big," but I'm big too and they will not get away with this.

It was a chilly winter morning when I first spotted them. There I was, going about my business, doing my business in my yard when I peer up mid-squat to see a creature with a big black nose and pointy ears just staring at me. How rude! I was having a private moment and this animal has the audacity to stare at me? She didn't even look away. She just watched me watching her watch me!

I immediately sounded the alarm. You only get one chance at a first impression and she had made hers. Clearly, these were unsavory creatures. That's when I learned the name of these intruders - Deer (my humans seemed excited to see them for some reason).

My barks were not as effective as I had hoped and the two Deer - an adult female and her offspring - just continued to stare at me. My humans called me inside and I obliged since I was getting no where.

This animal is the nastiest skank I've ever met. Do not trust her. She is a fugly slut!

In the weeks since our first encounter, the deer have returned to lay in the yard. Whenever I see them, I let them know they are not welcome, and sometimes they run away but they continue to return.

Two days ago, I was taking my humans to the park for a walk when I saw one of the Deer, sitting nonchalantly in the driveway. I immediately ran straight at her with my meanest, snarliest, scariest face and barked at her to leave! She stood up but stood her ground. I could win this fight! I'm a vicious dog and she is just a dumb Deer! But alas, my humans called me away. They seemed mad for some reason and I did not want to jeopardize our trip to my beloved park.

I will keep you updated on my battle against the Deer, Peaches. If you have any suggestions based on your vast experience in the intimidation of squirrels, I would appreciate them as I am getting no where with these Deer.

Loyally in the Puppy Bond,

Lucy Catherine AKA Lucycat